im getting there...

i don't know how i'll do it, but i know somehow i will manage to get there...

im feeling happier now than the past few days...



______________________________
salamat sa mga kaibigan ko... kung wala kayo, marahil wala na ako sa mundo... steve, witness ka... tinignan mo pa yung kamay ko, hindi ako naglaslas... kahit naka-long sleeves ako, wala akong itatago... hindi ko sinaktan ang sarili ko... proud ako dahil don...

first breathe of life...

ngayong araw na to, natutunan ko kung paano magpaanak...

as in to deliver a baby....

ang hirap... konting pagkakamali can cause somebody else's life.

parang nagbago ang pananaw ko sa buhay after that demo. natutunan ko kung gaano kahalaga maging isang babae. natutunan ko kung gaano kahalaga ang buhay...

na-visualize ko tuloy nung ipinapanganak ako... sabi ng teacher ko, magkakamukha lahat ng babies pag bagong panganak.... so, imagine... sa isang punto sa buhay natin, naging magkakamukha tayo... nakakatuwang isipin, di ba?

wala lang... kasi parang mas lalo kong na-realize ang vitality ng buhay.

nagkaroon ako ng bagong kahulugan sa buhay...

pnuema primera viva... kung baga sa baby, ito yung una kong hinga, yung unang iyak... para mag function ang lungs, at mag-pump ang heart ng sa sarili nya...

i feel reborn....

im in rage... i wanna scream... i wanna kill tito sotto... all this because FPJ is running for president.

a couple of days ago, my friend odie and i are having those intellectual talks inside the jeepney going to school. we were discussing who should she vote as president for the upcoming election [im just 17, so..]. she said she'll most likely settle for roco. i didn't object, roco's a good choice. he'd have my vote if ever...

and of course, we talked about FPJ.

tol, ano kayang mangyayari sa pilipinas kapag nanalo si FPJ?

FPJ should've just stuck in the movie industry. i mean, c'mon... what the country least need now is another puppet president.

well, whatever... i could enumerate why you should not lend your vote to FPJ... for one, im sure he'll never give it back... but i won't. voting is something you should think about for yourself.

FPJ is not a god. whoever died and told so??? voting for him will not mean a better life, or a better philippines. if you say 'well let's try him, and we'll see what he can do as a president.' let's not experiment, shall we?

but then again... nobody in the list of aspiring presidents can give us a better life.

is that the best line-up we can come out with? then we're in deep shit.



_________________________________
i'll be off for a while... lots of things to do....

i believe in angels. i never doubted their existence. just this afternoon, on the way home riding a jeepney, i sat beside one. she has a messy hair, she smells so much of sun and sweat mixed together (which she constantly wipes on my sweater), she talks too much, and she's six years old. i knew that from the moment she started to open her mouth to speak, i had to write about her.

it has been so long since i pondered on other things except school and the script (its nearly done! thank god!). lately, i was enslaving myself infront of the computer, typing school works away through the night. i have developed a sort of bonding with my computer so much lately that i realized something's wrong with her floopy drive. scary movie 3 is now showing at SM City, and my classmates were making pilit that i join them. i said no. i have so much to do in so little time.

that little girl was maybe all i wanted to sit next beside to in a jeepney to realize that i was working, or rather, studying a little too much.

that's the problem nowadays, isn't it? we tend to work too much that we forget how to have fun anymore. as i was looking at the little girl sitting next beside me, i began to appreciate what it is being a child. i realize how lucky she is because she doesn't yet know what the real world looks like.

she is an epitome of complete innocence. she was asking his dad a lot of questions and i wanted to shoot his father right there for giving stupid answers. as if being young means being lack of brain. in one question that she asked his father, i was struck.

"daddy kelan ako pwedeng mag-work kagaya ni ate faye?"
his dad answered "pag matanda ka na anak."
"eh kelan ako magiging matanda?"
"basta. hintayin mo lang."

i wanted to tell her not to hurry in growing-up. that she should enjoy being six. because when the time comes that she will have to face the real world, she'll wish she was six again... innocent, carefree, and happy. then she'd realize that crying over a candy bar is much better that crying over a lost job.

years from now, i know that she won't be contented in playing barbie dolls. she won't be happy playing around with other kids. she'll soon find out that all the things that was taught to her were fabricated, out of his daddy and mommy's imaginations. she won't believe in santa no more. she won't be convinced that there are monsters under her bed. she will be sad when given one peso because she knows that she can't buy anything from one peso. she'll forget sesame street and batibot. she'll vote for a new president. she'll grow up, just like we all did.

what could be the most tragic thing that could ever happen to a kid but growing up?

i think of angels not as grown-ups with wings and very white robes. i think of them as little kids, in halloween costumes, knocking in front of your doors for trick or treats. no matter how ugly their costumes are, you'd still find little cute faces under them. letting you know that life is tennous, but if you dig a little deeper, you'll find meaning in all of them. these angels make you forget, even for a while, about life's miseries and hardships.

she made me forget mine.

31.25 %

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

__________________________________________

so hindi pa naman ako ganon ka-addict.... ehehehe..... ngayon lang uli ako nagkaroon ng oras para makapag-blog.....

nakakapagod. stressed-out nako. next time na lang.

na-realize ko hindi ako healthy. biruin mo, stress lang, nagkasakit ako. haayy... sana gumaling nako....

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

something big ang kringle namin ngayon.... balak ko sanang iregalo ang sarili ko, kaya lang wala akong mahanap na pambalot....

si odie kasama ko ngayon... wala lang... nakakatamad kasing hintayin sila jen at jerome na nage-encode kaya nag-net na lang ako... si odie payat.... single sya.... binubugaw ko sya....

mura lang sya mga kapatid.... eheheheh..... :D



for more information about odie.... please call 09162797979...... hindi kayo mabibigo boys....

i finally finished the script! thanks to the people who helped... ritch, jenn, kuya henry, fortz, ate ciao, harris, at kina LEAN ALEJANDRO at EMMAN LACABA....

inspirasyong tibak....


"A socialist man must know how to compute the distance of the stars, how to differentiate a fish from a shark.... He must know how to distill wine into liquor, how to arrive at e=mc². He must know how to cook bacon, butcher a pig and roast lamb. He must be capable of leading enemies into battle. He must know how to follow orders and he must know when to disobey them.

"He must know how to soothe pain, comfort the sorrowful, maintain his composure in hot water, drown gracefully, sink with his ship with honor together with the mice.... He must be able to debate, he must know how to analyze difficult political situations ... he must know how to sail a ship, dig a latrine, wash clothes, wash dishes, plan an offensive, plan a retreat ... take care of babies, manage a state bureaucracy.

"He must know how to discuss Mao and debunk Zinoviev, ridicule Stalin, correctly read Mabini, recruit members to the party, motivate members to struggle, host a party, be critical, be self- critical, be honest...."

--Lean Alejandro



sa kanayunan at kalunsuran,
isulong ang kilusang bayan!
makibaka huwag matakot....

-- from the musical, LEAN

screams
glass shattering
cries

run..
run
hide

heavy breathing
tears falling

screams
glass shattering
cries

run..
run
hide

feet tired
soul drenched

gun in one hand
rosary on the other

a trigger is pulled

welcome...
to the finish line.

nagbubura ako ng mga messages sa inbox ko sa cp kanina, nang matapunan ko ng pansin ang isang message na galing sa isang kaibigan.




hirap magsabi ng "SORRY"
hirap magsabi ng "MAHAL KITA"
hirap magsabi ng "KAILANGAN KITA"

pero nalaman ko
pinakamahirap palang sabihin yung....

"MAHALIN MO NAMAN AKO, O.... please...?"



mahirap nga di ba?





_________________________________
[another quote from the same friend]
alam mo, na-realize ko nakakapagod palang mag-pretend na mahal mo ako... nakakapagod din magdasal every night na sana mahalin mo ako... hirap ng ganito, ginawa ko na lahat wala parin... ganon ba ako kahirap mahalin?

merry christmas guys!



isang araw lang... kaya ko namang mag-pretend na masaya ako... para sa Kanya....

i finally faced the truth...

hanggang ganun na nga lang talaga....




haaayyyy.......

i can breathe now....

hehehe....

lumabas na din ang unang issue ng white and blue [ang aming butihing school pub] ngayong sem na to kanina lang....

kala ko a-arburuto nanaman si boss e-i-c henry eh... nakahabol pa naman bago mag holiday break mga students....

salamat pala sir mon at naihabol mo! da best ka talaga!!

kahit isang article lang ang nakaya kong i-submit... lampas pa sa deadline! hindi ko nga alam kung kaya ko pang i-balance ang paper with my studies... lalo na sa susunod na taon... ritch, rhymes ... ano sa tingin nyo?

mga tol, magdu-duty na tayo next sem...

di bale... carry lang di ba? walang iwanan sa white and blue!

pati teatro.... di ko iiwan.... pramis....



_______________________________________
lintek, hindi ako nakahabol sa OBLATION RUN sa UP...

dahil madami pa ring bugs ang friendster.... eto ang bago.... www.myspace.com"> MySpace .......

actually... hindi ko pa naaayos.. pero maganda sya...

combination ng tabulas at friendster... pwede mo pang i-customize....

kaya lipat na!

wahehehehe.............

hehehehe...


*kapangalan kasi kita eh! ehehehe.....*

im sorry odie i made you cry today....


i didn't mean what i said.......


khit di mo to mbasa sorry pa rin.....

kanina pa kita tinetext 'tol di ka naman nagrereply....


bad ko talaga.......


i deserve to be on santa's lists of naughty girls, i don't deserve anything from him this christmas.......

*this is for jenn and the others who are strong enough to love...and lost.



you are one of the few
who have tasted the
bittersweet

you are one of the few
who have believed
even the lies

you are one of the few
who have smiled
ignoring the pain

you are one of the few
who have taken
the bumpy road

you are one of the few
who have cried
in the middle of the night

you are one of the brave ones
who was not afraid
to love

despite it all...



_____________________________________

when love beckons to you,
follow it.
though its ways
are hard and steep.
and think not you
can direct the course of love.
for love, if it finds you worthy,
directs your course.

while we sit and eat infront of our noche buena tables tomorrow night, may we not forget to remember to offer a brief moment of prayer for the bereaved families of the leyte tragedy.

while we merrily celebrate the birth of jesus, may we remember the plight of the EVER employees who are on hunger strike, crying for justice.

sa mga magpapasko sa daan, tulad ng mga jeepney at bus drivers;
sa mga magpapasko na malayo sa kani-kanilang pamilya;
sa mga magulang na hindi makakapiling ang kanilang mga anak;
sa mga batang hindi matatanggap ang kanilang hiling na regalo...



let us think of them.

let us bow our heads and pray.



___________________________________

"we always want to change the world into a better place, but that's an overwhelming task. i think all we can really change is ourselves... a little bit at a time... because that's the only thing we have control of. and if we change ourselves inside, i believe we can change the world."

-Barbara Streisand

i am experimenting on making my tabulas a photoblog....

the following are taken by my step dad's 7650, so the images are not really good...

i still have to go get my batteries up jenn's place later for my digicam...

ha! im back! im sorry i forgot to greet everyone a very merry christmas yesterday...

well anyway, hope you guys had fun!

i watched crying ladies yesterday with odie [yes, bati na kami! ] and it was fun... marami lang flaws sa story... i wondered why they gave that an A rating though...

i gave myself a a jacket for christmas... well you know, im from baguio and it seems to be colder and colder as each day passes...

i got money from my step dad... yippee!! my brother gave me a pirated vcd of LOTR: Return of the King... my mom gave me a hug and a kiss... she said my real gift will come in january... my other bro gave me a kiss too... mga kuripot! hehehe...

we had turkey for noche buena and another turkey on christmas day dinner... sawng-sawa nako sa turkey!

ill have a detailed entry later...

jenn is waiting for us at her house... we have to wash the costumes for next year's play...

marahil, nang magsimula ang holiday break, 58% [pansinin na may butal pa] ng mga taong naririto sa baguio ngayon ay HINDI taga-baguio. in short--mga dayuhan, bakasyonista, turista... nandito upang magkalat ng lagim sa malamig na parte ng pilipinas.

hindi ito kaila, lalo na sa mga taga-dito tulad ko. dahil bigla-bigla na lang babaho ang simoy ng hangin, iinit, mangangamoy usok galing sa tambucho ang damit mo, at katakut-takot na traffic ang madadatnan mo sa bayan.

so, paano nga ba malalaman kung turista ang mga tao malapit sa table mo sa starbucks, o mga baguio peeps? ito ang mga ilan sa kanila:

1. HINDI SILA NAKASUOT NG JACKET O SWEATER. hindi ko alam kung saan nila nabasa na mainit ang disyembre sa baguio. pero kadalasan ng mga turista ay naka sleeveless, t-shirt lang, mini skirt, at two-piece bathing suit. tapos tsaka sila magrereklamong malamig.

2. NAKA-BONET SILANG MAY NAKASULAT NA "BAGUIO CITY". minsan pa nga, naka-bonet na, naka t-shirt pa ng "i got this shirt from baguio city, where peanuts are brittle!".

3. MAY DALA-DALANG MAPA. as if naman malaki ang baguio na pwede kang mawala.

4. MARAMI SILANG DALANG PLASTIC BAGS. iisa lang ang ibig sabihin nito, kagagaling lang nila sa wagwagan.

5. MAY DALA-DALANG CAMERA O VIDEOCAM. kasi, kung taga-Baguio ka talaga, mahihiya kang magpakuha ng picture sa view deck ng SM o kasama ng mga igorot sa botanical garden. at bakit mo naman ire-record sa video ang isang lugar na paulit-ulit mo namang nakikita, at actually, sawa ka na dito. wala na bang iba?

6. HAAN DA NGA AG-SARITA TI ILOCANO. nu taga-baguio ka, uray nu ag-saludsud ka laeng nu manu ti maysa nga kilo ti strawberries, ag ilocano ka tapnu haan da nga ingato ti presyo na.

7. MAGUGULAT SILA NA MAY SM NA ANG BAGUIO. pero hindi nila alam na umuuga ito. [sekreto lang yon, pero totoo nga...]

8. AMOY CLUTCH ANG SASAKYAN NILA. halatang hindi sanay magmaneho sa akyatan ang driver. malamang taga-baba ito.

9. KUNG MAMALENGKE AKALA MO END OF THE WORLD NA. hayup ang mga turista kung mamalengke. parang sisimutin lahat ang lamang gulay sa pamilihang bayan ng baguio. as if walang gulay sa pinanggalingan nila.

ilan lamang iyan, base sa aking sariling obserbasyon, ang paraan upang ma-distinguish ang turista sa hinde. of course, hindi lahat ng turista ay nagpo-possess ng mga nabanggit, ngunit karamihan sa kanila ay oo. sila ang mga taong nag-iiwan ng kalat sa baguio matapos ang panagbenga o nagpapayaman sa kodak sa kakadevelop ng mga litrato.

ewan kung dapat nga ba akong magsaya dahil pa-rami nang parami ang turista sa baguio. kung titignan ko ang baguio ngayon at ikumpara kung ano sya limang taon ang nakakaraan, malamang manlulumo lang ako.

kung ito nga ba ang bunga ng industrialisasyon, marahil gusto ko na lang manatiling isang remote place ang baguio kesa sa makita ko ang pagkasira nito.

burrr..... its freaking cold outside! its like ten degrees out there!

my stepdad is grilling outside and i went out to take a bite of the meat he's grilling. when i opened the front door, chilly winds greeted my face. i swear if i didn't have my thick orange sweater on [which jenn reckons that it has the color of macsbox], i would've freezed to death.

okay, that may well be an exaggeration, but when you're up here in baguio, that's not far from happening.

it just reminded me how lonely your december can get in the city of pines... of course im talking about people who aren't in the comfort of somebody else's body. if you know what i mean.

im reading a novel by nora roberts in her pseudonym JD Robb titled "immortal in death" which i borrowed from jenn a couple of days ago.

Lieutenant Eve Dallas finds herself investigating a murder case which involves her best friend--as a primary suspect. victim is the world top model [actually, gallaxy top model. year is 2058 and you could go out of the planet and into the gallaxy ] Pandora. Pandora is this wicked moronic model who's devastatingly in-love with Leaonardo. Leonardo, on the other hand, is in-love with Mavis, Eve's bestfriend. so the two women fight about this Leonardo guy, who happens to be a designer, who happens to be designing Eve's wedding dress. and one fateful night, Pandora was found brutally murdered at Leonardo's pad. sad thing is, Mavis was the one who found her there.

and ofcourse, with all the evidence pointing towards Mavis--her blood was all over the place and her finger prints are in the weapon--Eve arrests her friend. although she was put on bail by Eve's billionaire soon-to-be-hubby. and Eve doesn't believe that her best friend can do such terrible thing. so she's digging dirt almost everywhere to prove Mavis is innocent and that she had been set-up.

Eve is also working on this another crime, almost as identical as how Pandora was murdered. it turned out that something links these two murders afterall. it is an illegal drug called 'immortality'.

this immortality has the same effect as all other illegal drugs--hallucination, euphoria, sexual appetite, and the rest. immortality may at all look like an ordinary drug, except it contains one unknown substance to the planet earth. this substance, a cell regenerating chemical, is fabled the fountain of youth. chemical X is believed to be a substance from another planet, brought in by whoever idiot that planned on selling it as a drug and beauty product at the same time and earn a goddman deal out of it.

im not through with the book yet, so i'll keep you hanging. i was just thinking if that could be possible. the immortality drug and we going out of the planet. in the story, everything was high-tech. it was set in 2058, that's about 54 years from next year.

i mean, people back then [ way back] didn't imagine that communications will be a lot easier now than blowing a horn or setting a whole forest into fire just to send signals to the other tribe to come for dinner.

plus this immortality thing. for years, scientists have been devising ways to lengthen the human lifespan. from cloning to HGP to inventing a lot of medicines to keep you breathing. but none seem to work.

we human beings are doom to die, isn't it? we're never gonna find the fountain of youth. and i just wish they'd quit looking for it.

i'll tell you how the story ends when i finish it.

"But, that's not fair!" shouted the little girl.

The man in dark blue suit grabbed her tiny hands and dragged her inside the car.

"Nothing in life is fair, Eleanor," he said.

The little girl looked at her father's face from the side. He made Erin leave, he put her into that place. She knows, she'll never see her again. And she hated him for that.

The driver started the engine. As the car slowly pulled away from the dark alley of 54th Street, the little girl looked back. A tear fell down her cheek. Someday, I'll go back. I'll get you Erin, I'll get you out of that place. And when I do, life will never be unfair for you anymore...

less than eight hours to 2004...

sheesh... why is everyone making a big deal out of it?

people, before you know it, it's 2004 already... you won't probably notice it because the inside of your homes are clouded up with smoke and you can't see the freaking clock... ha, talk about pollution!

pollution brought about by those stupid firecrackers... talk about money wasting!

happy new year anyways.

and please, don't even attempt to make those silly new year resolutions. because i know that you know you cant keep them anyway.